Experiments!!

It was a fine night for grilling at the secret bunker test kitchen, so nice in fact we actually left the confines of our reinforced concrete fortress for the open air to test out a new product and some new ideas.

Firstly, friends, readers and fellow goons at our favorite torrid little corner of the intrawebs, www.somethingawful.com, have blathered on about this seasoning called 'Bacon Salt'. We procured some of it at our local Black Market grocer and decided to give it a go, even after discovering that the fourth ingrediant on the list is -gasp- M.S.G!! But migranes be damned, this must be tried!!
What goes better with pork? More pork of course! We assembled four chops from our favorite unclean animal and lightly seasoned them with the Bacon Salt and slapped them on the grill.

Next, we have one pound each of fresh green beans and baby carrots. The green beans have been washed, dried, tossed in oil and seasoned with koshering salt, black pepper and Old Bay.

We have rinsed and dried our carrots, tossed them in oil and added half a cup of dark brown sugar and ample black pepper and tossed them again to coat.


Now with our grill nice and hot and our oiled grill woks in place we begin! Working quickly the veg were tossed at regular intervals with the reserved brown sugar liquid lightly drizzled over the sizzling carrots.


Both the beans and carrots were started at the same time and the beans were done far before the carrots. Next time I will use crinkle cut carrot chips for faster cooking. So, as the carrots were finishing off, I grilled some sweet corn as well.


Results:
The Bacon Salt was extremely tasty! Too bad about all the MSG, but with the scant amount I used, the flavor was prominent and not over powering and I didn't notice any discernible negative effects. On a scale of 1 to 10 I would give it a strong 7, with the dreaded MSG being it's only downfall.

The green beans were the show stealer! Cooked al dente but still with a nice bright green color and fresh flavor intermingled with the smokey, sexy char flavor of the grill. Next batch I think I'm going to toss some slivered almonds and garlic into the mix and see what happens...

Finally the carrots, aside from being a bit boney, the flavor was excellent. An ever so slight sweetness with a touch of black pepper and smoke. Next time I will definitely use crinkle cut carrot chips and give them more time to marinate.

Beer Brats with 'Sconnie Schmaltz

Being a Wisconsin Hillbilly knowing how to properly cook brats is a given. But I have to remember that not everyone is fortunate enough to hail from the fog shrouded valleys and heavily wooded hills of the Kettle Moraine, so in that case let me educate you in the proper technique.

SUPPLY LIST

MEAT
As many fresh brats* as you desire

PRODUCE
Yellow Onions (1 onion for every 3 brats)

DAIRY
Butter

HERBS
Black Peppercorns
Sage
Koshering Salt

BOOZE
Beer (1 bottle for every 3 brats)

* "Fresh Brats" does not mean Johnsonville or any other such mass produced crap. Go to a butcher shop, a real damn butcher shop where the guys wear white paper hats and bloody aprons and get some real bratwurst. One more thing, brat does not rhyme with cat, it rhymes with pot, say it right.

Now toss all your brats in a big pot, add your beer and your quartered onions, some peppercorns and a pinch of sage and heat on low. If your brats are not completely covered just top it off with some water. Now brats can tend to curl when cooked, if you want a nice straight brats for the buns, before you toss them in the pot, stick a wooden skewer down the center and snip off the ends leaving about an inch on either side. This will keep them nice and straight as they simmer. Once the brats are fully cooked, remove them and turn the heat up to high on the remaining liquid and add 1 stick of butter per dozen brats cooked and some koshering salt, skimming off the foam as necessary. Let this boil at med/high until you've reduced it to a nice thick consistency.

Go start the grill and once you've got a nice three count fire, remove the skewers if you've used them and slap them on the grill and roast them to your preferred color. I like my brats to look like a bad night in the burn ward..

Once the brats and schmaltz are finished, slap them in a brat bun, goop on some schmaltz and any other condiment you desire as long as it is either ketchup, mustard or sauerkraut, crack a cold beer and gorge yourself silly.

Cream of Roasted Red Pepper & Horseradish Soup

I found the basics of this one on the net somewhere, the first time I made it I knew it'd be a hit with the wife due to her love affair with horseradish. I once watched her polish off a vat big enough to feed two sumo wrestlers and a lumberjack. Damn I love a woman that knows how to eat!

SUPPLY LIST

VEGGIES
6 Red Bell Peppers
2 Shallots
1 jar of cream style prepared Horseradish

STOCK
2 cups Chicken or Veg Stock

DAIRY
1 qt. Heavy Cream

SPICES
Kosher Salt
White Pepper

PREP
Wash and dry your peppers and remove the stem and core, lightly oil them and place them on a baking sheet in a 450° oven until the skins turn black. Next, place them in a plastic bag for 30 minutes to allow the skin to sweat off.

While the peppers are sweating it out, finely chop your shallot and place it in your soup pot along with the chicken stock and simmer.

Once the peppers are ready, remove them from the plastic bag and pour the remaining liquid into your chicken stock and shallots and continue to simmer while you skin your peppers. Now that your peppers have had their skin peeled off them, chop them a bit and place them in a blender with your simmering broth and as much horseradish as you fancy, then blend until smooth.

Some versions of this recipe call for you to then strain the soup to remove the pepper pulp, but I like it in mine, so that's your call.

Now that the soup is back in the pot, increase the heat to medium high and add the heavy cream. Again this is your call on how much or how little you like. I like my ratio to be 1 part cream to 3 parts soup as to not make the finished product too heavy or over power the flavor of the peppers and shallots.

Once the soup is nearing a low boil, reduce the heat to a simmer and add your kosher slat and white pepper to taste.

This soup is an excellent accompaniment to a beef steak salad, roast beef, standing rib roast, etc.

Wax Beans & Water Chestnuts

Sometimes the simplest things are the best. This a great side dish and is fast, cheap and easy, kinda like me...

SUPPLY LIST

FRUITS & VEGGIES
1 can of Wax Beans
1 can of sliced Water Chestnuts
1 Lemon

DAIRY
Butter (optional)

SPICES
Kosher Salt
Black Pepper

PREP
Open and drain both cans of veggies, place in a covered microwave safe bowl and toss together lightly. Next salt and pepper to taste. Now if you are using the butter place about four butter pats on top. Now quarter your lemon and squeeze the juice of one wedge over the lot. Nuke until hot and serve it up..... num num

Sticky Chicken

This one comes from my childhood and is my favorite quick, cheap and hearty comfort food recipes. It takes about 1.5 hrs start to finish and just hits the spot on really cold nights up here in da great white nort' doncha know...

SUPPLY LIST

MEAT
Enough cut up young frier chickens to feed yer mob. My rule of thumb is 1 lb. per person becasue I'm all about the leftovers. You can also just use breasts, thighs, legs whatever you want. Just get some damn chicken

DAIRY
Milk

SOUP
2 cans of Campbell's Cream of 'Something' Soup
Most folks use Cream of Mushroom, but my wife hates mushrooms vehemently so I use Cream of Onion, but you can use Cream of: Broccoli, Celery, Aspargus, Combat Boot, whatever..

PASTA
2 lb bag of Wide Egg Noodles

HERBS
Salt
Black Pepper
Paprika
Corriander Seeds
Fresh or Dried Parsley (fresh is better, but you'll need less.)

PREP
Slap the chicken in a baking dish, crush about half a tablespoon of Corriander seeds in your mortar & pestle or spice grinder (what? no mortar & pestle.. get one) and apply it to the chicken with your salt and pepper.

Now mix the 2 cans of your Cream of Something soup with one can of milk and pour it over the seasoned chicken, now sprinkle on some Paprika.

Chuck it in a 350 degree oven for about 1.5 hrs, basting every 30 minutes. Lil hint: When the juice runs clear when you stab a piece, it's done.

When the chicken has baked for about an hour get your kettle on the boil with lightly salted water. When she's rolling strong slowly add the noodles and cook according to the directions on the box/bag. When they're done cooking, strain them and immediatley add some parsley and toss.

When the chickens done, remove it from the oven and let it stand about 10 minutes, then remove the chicken onto your serving platter and pour the sauce over the noodles and stir. Mmmmmm mmmmmm...sticky chickeny goodness....

French Onion Soup

This is the Wisconsin Hillbilly Boy version of the classic eighteenth century French Onion Soup. I don't feel bad stealing it, they stole it from the Romans anyway.

"What have the Romans ever done for us, really..."

FRESH PRODUCE
3 lbs of sweet yellow onions
4 nice shallots
½ clove garlic

DAIRY
1lb of Gruyère, Swiss, Provolone or Havarti cheese.

BAKERY
One loaf of a good sourdough bread.

SOUP ISLE
Beef bouillon*

SPICES / OILS
Kosher salt
Fresh ground black pepper
All Spice
EVOO (extra virgin olive oil)

BOOZE
6 bottles of lager or ale

* When it comes to bouillon please don’t get Wyler’s or Knorr brand, they are nothing more than beef or chicken scented bastard brine cubes. Spend a lil more money and get the good stuff or just make your own.

PREPARATION OF PRODUCE
Chop 2 lbs of the onions into ¼” pieces.
The remaining 1 lb should be cut in half from top to bottom and then sliced about ¼” thick in little half moon shapes. Now place each in their own bowl as you will be cooking these at separate times.

Coarsely chop the shallots.

Finally, finely chop the garlic.

Open 1 of the 6 beers and go sit outside and drink it until your eyes stop watering. If someone asks why you are crying I like to say weepily “This is a really good beer.”

When you beer is finished and your eyes are dry return to your kitchen and start the arduous process of caramelizing your 2 lbs of chopped onions. Personally for speed I use 3 large cast iron pans and add just enough onions to cover the bottom of the pan. Preheat your oil at medium-lowish and begin. Caramelizing onions can be tricky but basically its just sautéing the lil buggers to near death. It will take about 20 to 40 minutes per pan to get them to that deep golden reddish brown goodness. As the water starts to cook out of them they will start getting sticky, this is perfect. If the onions/oil starts to smoke, remove them from the heat immediately and lower the temp of your burner, you really don’t want little black flakes floating in your soup and the ‘scorched’ flavor ruins the finished product. Now when the onions in the pan are fully caramelized open another bottle of beer** and pour some in and cook off some of the water. This is called deglazing and it brings up all the flavor that is locked in the brown gluey sticky gunk that’s at the bottom of the pan. Repeat this ad infinitum until all the chopped onions are caramelized. Next sauté the remaining onions and garlic al dente. (slightly firm) The onion segregation is now complete and they can now peacefully cohabitate in the same stock pot. Open another beer and pour some in your mouth.


** If you don’t like beer, use a good red or white wine. The traditional recipe calls for wine, but being a native Wisconsinite I like beer.

Now mix up about 4 cups of beef bouillon and add it to the onions in the stock pot along with 2 bottles of beer, 2 cups of water, the chopped shallots, 1/4 teaspooon Allspice and some salt and pepper. Bring it to a boil on medium-high heat, stirring constantly, then reduce the heat to a low simmer and cook uncovered for about 3 hours stirring frequently Now you should have 2 bottles of beer left, drink them, you deserve it. When it’s done simmering remove it from the burner and let it cool then refrigerate over night.

Before serving slowly heat the soup to a boil and simmer covered. Now thinly slice your sourdough and place them on a cookie sheet and toast them under your broiler. Slice your cheese thinly also.

Next you need bake safe serving bowls; I got mine at Wal-Mart for about $4.00 a piece, they are just small Corning Ware bake safe bowls. Now add the piping hot soup to the bowls, float some cheese on top and put under the broiler until the cheese starts to bubble. (About 6 to 8 inches from the element works best for me.) It doesn’t take long. CAREFULLY remove them from the oven and place on serving plates; a damp paper napkin on the plate keeps the bowl from sliding. Garnish with fresh ground black pepper; serve with the toasted sourdough either resting on the melted cheese or on the side, that’s up to you.

This soup is an excellent appetizer for a standing rib roast, pot roast or steaks and goes great with any wine.

Roasted Cauliflower

SUPPLY LIST
1 Head of Cauliflower
1 bottle of Extra Virgin Olive Oil (e.v.o.o.)
Kosher Salt
Black Pepper
Baking Sheet
Aluminum Foil

Move your oven rack to the lowest position and pre-heat to 450.

Clean your cauliflower, remove all the stem leaves and cut the stem flush with the bottom. Now place the head bottom up on your cutting board and using a large knife slice the head in half along the stem, slicing it into eight equal portions like a pie, making eight wedge shaped pieces of cauliflower.

Cover your baking sheet with aluminum foil and arrange the wedges for roasting. Drizzle each piece with a little e.v.o.o., season with salt and pepper, carefully flip and repeat on the other side.
Now cover tightly with more aluminum foil and place in the pre-heated oven for 10 minutes.

Now carefully remove the top piece of aluminum foil and return to the oven for another 8 to 15 minutes until the bottom of the wedges start to turn golden brown. Carefully flip your wedges and repeat until golden brown. Serve immediately.

Note: Aside from salt and pepper, you can add any seasoning you like prior to roasting. i.e. curry powder, red pepper flakes, Thai chili powder, etc. Also goes great with your favorite sauces!

Dirty Bird BBQ Chicken

SUPPLY LIST

MEAT
As many cut up frier chickens as you wanna cook.

PRODUCE
1 Large Yellow Onion (per 2 lbs. of chicken)

HERBS & SPICES
Kosher Salt
Black Pepper
Rosemary
Thyme
Oregano

SAUCES
Your fave BBQ sauce.
( I personally like Sweet Baby Ray's )

BOOZE
1 bottle of beer per pound of chicken.

PREPERATION

Quarter your onion and throw it and the chicken into a big stock pot now add your beer and just enough water to cover. Now add your spices, for 2 lbs of chicken I use 2 tablespoons of salt, 1 tablespoon of pepper and 1/2 tablespoon of rosemary, thyme and oregano. Now cover and bring your heat up to medium until the water begins to steam, once it starts steaming bring the heat up to medium high and bring to a full rolling boil and continue for about 15 to 20 minutes. Again, you know your chicken is fully cooked when the juice runs clear when a piece is pierced. Now remove your stock pot from the heat, uncover and let stand until you can touch the sides of it with your bare hands.

The logic behind this: The reason I don't add the chicken to boiling water or remove the chicken from the water while its still piping hot is that the skin cooks and cools at a different rate than the meat. Now in BBQ chicken the skin is my fave part and it pisses me off when I lose some of it to the grill! So by gradually bringing it up to temp and let it cool slowly you help prevent skin curl or slippage.

Now gently pour your chicken into a collinder to strain and remove it to a large bowl or pan, place it in the fridge and let it dry. Now smother it in your BBQ sauce and go start the grill. If you use a propane grill, set it to medium/medium low then go back into the kitchen and place your left hand on your cutting board and break 2 fingers with a meat tenderizing mallet because you deserve it for not using charcoal. Those of you that are intelligent enough to know that charcoal is a superior cooking fuel start your grill and let the coals completely ash over and spread them out evenly. What we are looking for is a "Five Count Fire" that means you should be able to hold your hand about 4" above the grilling surface for a count of five. (ex: 1-mississippi, 2-mississippi, 3-mississippi, 4-mississippi, 5-mississippi---YEOWCH!) The cleaner your cooking surface is the less things are gonna stick, so make sure its nice and clean. Now lightly oil your grilling surface by soaking a rag or paper towel in canola oil (it has the highest flashpoint) and using your tongs rub it across the cooking surface. Be sure to have your bottom vents completely open and have a spray bottle full of water on hand in case of extreme flame ups.

Now slap your chicken on that fire and immediately close the cover and open the top vent to full. Let any left over onions pieces slip through the grill and hit the coals, this will add to the smoke and give a better flavor, close the cover and leave undisturbed for 5 minutes. Now open it, mop some more BBQ on the top, gently turn each piece over and mop it with more BBQ. Close the top and let cook 5 more minutes. Keep doing this until the chicken skin is crisped to your likeness. We like ours to be charred to perfection, glossy, black and cracklin' crisp.. mmm mmm mmmm...you dirty, dirty bird.....

A Fat Vat of Chilli

SUPPLY LIST

MEAT

• 3 lbs. of coarse ground beef

FRESH PRODUCE

• 1 large yellow onion
• 1 large bell pepper (green, red, yellow, orange)
• 3 jalapeño peppers
• 1 bunch cilantro
• 1 clove garlic
• 1 lime

CANNED

• 1 large can tomato puree
• 1 large can tomato pieces
• 1 large can tomato paste
• 1 can dark red kidney beans
• 1 can light red kidney beans

DRIED SPICES

• Cumin seeds (NOT the powder)
• Chili powder
• Kosher salt
• Black pepper
• Cayenne pepper
• Oregano

DAIRY

• 1 tub sour cream
• 1 bag of shredded cheese (cheddar, monterey jack, pepper jack, etc)

BOOZE

• 2 bottles of a good lager beer (Michelob works well)

PREPERATION OF PRODUCE & SPICES

• Onion – diced
• Bell Pepper – diced
• Jalapeño – cut off stem & crown, slice lengthwise, using a spoon remove seeds and light colored ‘guts’ leaving only the dark green pepper flesh. This lessens the peppers heat. Then dice them.
  (WARNING: WEAR RUBBER GLOVES!! If you chop up these peppers without them and touch your eyes, nose or other sensitive skin you will get a nasty surprise even if you wash your hands thoroughly. Don’t learn the hard way like me and have to stand naked from the waist down under a cold shower while your wife stands in the doorway and giggles.)
  
• Cilantro – 2/3 coarsely chopped, save 1/3 unchopped for garnish.
• Garlic – minced
• Lime – juiced with lots of pulp.
• Cumin seeds – Grind about 5 tablespoons worth or more.

SAUTEING
Cover the bottom of a sauté pan with oil (olive oil being the best) and bring to medium high heat and add your onions and bell & jalapeño peppers, sauté for a few minutes until the onions just start to turn translucent, then add your garlic. Continue sautéing until the onions are al denté (slightly firm) now increase the heat to high and add ½ a bottle of beer to deglaze the pan. Simmer lightly to reduce some of the water then remove the contents to your stock pot.

BROWNING
Bring your sauté pan to med high heat and add your beef. Immediately add kosher salt & black pepper to taste, 2 tablespoons fresh ground cumin, 1 tablespoon cayenne and 6 tablespoons chili powder. When the beef is half way cooked add the sautéed onion, peppers and garlic from your stock pot and continue cooking. When it’s done add the remaining and one a half bottles of beer to deglaze. Reduce heat to medium low and simmer uncovered until the liquid is reduced by half. Remove from heat and add to stock pot.

ASSEMBLING THE REST
In your large stock pot that should already contain your beef, onion, garlic and pepper mixture add all of your canned tomatoes and beans (Be sure to drain the kidney beans first) and stir.

Now to add your spices.

This is when it really comes to personal preference and tolerance for pain. I like a bowl of chili that makes me sweat like a thief in church but doesn’t burn my lips off my face. Just remember it is far easier to add more than it is to try and remove what is already in there.

This being said, I generally add 6 to 10 tablespoons of chili powder, 3 to 5 tablespoons of fresh ground cumin, 1 to 3 tablespoons of cayenne and 1 or 2 teaspoons of oregano to the sauce along with kosher salt and black pepper to taste.

Slowly bring this mixture to a boil, stirring frequently. Do not let it burn at the bottom of the pot as this can ‘scorch’ the flavor of the chili.

When it has reached a good ‘glub glub glub’ boil reduce the heat to low and add your lime juice and cilantro. Stir them in and let simmer uncovered for a couple hours until you can stand a wooden spoon up in the center and have a thick consistency.

Now just heat it back up and serve with a dollop of sour cream and generously sprinkled with cheese and a nice sprig of fresh cilantro for garnish.

Grilled Brussles Sprouts

Supply List:

• 2 bags of frozen Brussels Spouts
• 2 sticks of butter
• 2 heaping tablespoons of chopped garlic
• kosher salt
• black pepper

Melt the butter and add the chopped garlic, kosher salt and black pepper and simmer for about 5 minutes over med/low heat then divide into 2 parts. One part should contain half of the melted butter and one quarter of the garlic, while the other half retains the rest of the garlic.

Next place your frozen Brussels Sprouts in a large bowl and season with kosher salt and black pepper. Now lightly drizzle the melted butter with the smaller amount of garlic over the frozen sprouts in 4 stages tossing in between. (Drizzle, toss, drizzle, toss, drizzle, toss, drizzle, toss.) Now the sprouts should have a nice garlic butter shell and are ready for the grill. If they are not going on the grill right away, place them in the freezer to keep them nice and cold.

Now, either propane or charcoal grill will work, but you must have some kind of 'grilling wok' like this.

I picked up a pair of them at Target for about 12 bucks a piece. Amazon sells them as well, here is the link.

Got one? Good. Now throw it on the grill over a three count fire or high heat for you propaniacs, and let the wok get good and hot. Now toss the sprouts and and listen to them sizzle. You will get a lot of flame up due to the melting butter, just grab the wok with a pair of tongs or your grilling mitt and give them a toss. I also keep my grilling spatula at hand to turn them frequently, keep them working until you start getting some nice char spots. After 5 to 10 minutes on the grill remove them to a oven safe dish, cover with the remaining garlic butter and slap them in the oven at 170 until they are done.