Beer Brats with 'Sconnie Schmaltz

Being a Wisconsin Hillbilly knowing how to properly cook brats is a given. But I have to remember that not everyone is fortunate enough to hail from the fog shrouded valleys and heavily wooded hills of the Kettle Moraine, so in that case let me educate you in the proper technique.

SUPPLY LIST

MEAT
As many fresh brats* as you desire

PRODUCE
Yellow Onions (1 onion for every 3 brats)

DAIRY
Butter

HERBS
Black Peppercorns
Sage
Koshering Salt

BOOZE
Beer (1 bottle for every 3 brats)

* "Fresh Brats" does not mean Johnsonville or any other such mass produced crap. Go to a butcher shop, a real damn butcher shop where the guys wear white paper hats and bloody aprons and get some real bratwurst. One more thing, brat does not rhyme with cat, it rhymes with pot, say it right.

Now toss all your brats in a big pot, add your beer and your quartered onions, some peppercorns and a pinch of sage and heat on low. If your brats are not completely covered just top it off with some water. Now brats can tend to curl when cooked, if you want a nice straight brats for the buns, before you toss them in the pot, stick a wooden skewer down the center and snip off the ends leaving about an inch on either side. This will keep them nice and straight as they simmer. Once the brats are fully cooked, remove them and turn the heat up to high on the remaining liquid and add 1 stick of butter per dozen brats cooked and some koshering salt, skimming off the foam as necessary. Let this boil at med/high until you've reduced it to a nice thick consistency.

Go start the grill and once you've got a nice three count fire, remove the skewers if you've used them and slap them on the grill and roast them to your preferred color. I like my brats to look like a bad night in the burn ward..

Once the brats and schmaltz are finished, slap them in a brat bun, goop on some schmaltz and any other condiment you desire as long as it is either ketchup, mustard or sauerkraut, crack a cold beer and gorge yourself silly.

Cream of Roasted Red Pepper & Horseradish Soup

I found the basics of this one on the net somewhere, the first time I made it I knew it'd be a hit with the wife due to her love affair with horseradish. I once watched her polish off a vat big enough to feed two sumo wrestlers and a lumberjack. Damn I love a woman that knows how to eat!

SUPPLY LIST

VEGGIES
6 Red Bell Peppers
2 Shallots
1 jar of cream style prepared Horseradish

STOCK
2 cups Chicken or Veg Stock

DAIRY
1 qt. Heavy Cream

SPICES
Kosher Salt
White Pepper

PREP
Wash and dry your peppers and remove the stem and core, lightly oil them and place them on a baking sheet in a 450° oven until the skins turn black. Next, place them in a plastic bag for 30 minutes to allow the skin to sweat off.

While the peppers are sweating it out, finely chop your shallot and place it in your soup pot along with the chicken stock and simmer.

Once the peppers are ready, remove them from the plastic bag and pour the remaining liquid into your chicken stock and shallots and continue to simmer while you skin your peppers. Now that your peppers have had their skin peeled off them, chop them a bit and place them in a blender with your simmering broth and as much horseradish as you fancy, then blend until smooth.

Some versions of this recipe call for you to then strain the soup to remove the pepper pulp, but I like it in mine, so that's your call.

Now that the soup is back in the pot, increase the heat to medium high and add the heavy cream. Again this is your call on how much or how little you like. I like my ratio to be 1 part cream to 3 parts soup as to not make the finished product too heavy or over power the flavor of the peppers and shallots.

Once the soup is nearing a low boil, reduce the heat to a simmer and add your kosher slat and white pepper to taste.

This soup is an excellent accompaniment to a beef steak salad, roast beef, standing rib roast, etc.

Sticky Chicken

This one comes from my childhood and is my favorite quick, cheap and hearty comfort food recipes. It takes about 1.5 hrs start to finish and just hits the spot on really cold nights up here in da great white nort' doncha know...

SUPPLY LIST

MEAT
Enough cut up young frier chickens to feed yer mob. My rule of thumb is 1 lb. per person becasue I'm all about the leftovers. You can also just use breasts, thighs, legs whatever you want. Just get some damn chicken

DAIRY
Milk

SOUP
2 cans of Campbell's Cream of 'Something' Soup
Most folks use Cream of Mushroom, but my wife hates mushrooms vehemently so I use Cream of Onion, but you can use Cream of: Broccoli, Celery, Aspargus, Combat Boot, whatever..

PASTA
2 lb bag of Wide Egg Noodles

HERBS
Salt
Black Pepper
Paprika
Corriander Seeds
Fresh or Dried Parsley (fresh is better, but you'll need less.)

PREP
Slap the chicken in a baking dish, crush about half a tablespoon of Corriander seeds in your mortar & pestle or spice grinder (what? no mortar & pestle.. get one) and apply it to the chicken with your salt and pepper.

Now mix the 2 cans of your Cream of Something soup with one can of milk and pour it over the seasoned chicken, now sprinkle on some Paprika.

Chuck it in a 350 degree oven for about 1.5 hrs, basting every 30 minutes. Lil hint: When the juice runs clear when you stab a piece, it's done.

When the chicken has baked for about an hour get your kettle on the boil with lightly salted water. When she's rolling strong slowly add the noodles and cook according to the directions on the box/bag. When they're done cooking, strain them and immediatley add some parsley and toss.

When the chickens done, remove it from the oven and let it stand about 10 minutes, then remove the chicken onto your serving platter and pour the sauce over the noodles and stir. Mmmmmm mmmmmm...sticky chickeny goodness....